Getting What You Need Is Part Of Every Healthy Relationship.
Fear of sharing our most intimate desires with others is natural.
It can be a fear of being shamed, rejection, fear of accepting you have kinky fantasies or fear of stepping into the unknown.
Just thinking about it can paralyze you and make you step back from your desires.
I remember the night I shared my role in rope bondage with Renee. It was after a long evening of being together and getting to know each other. At the moment, I was scared that I would drive her away by revealing it, but instead, it drew her closer, and our relationship has only grown stronger since that night.
When you or someone you love shares their deepest intimate secrets, it says that you trust this person.
You are giving them insight into a part of you that, until now, has been hidden away.
I would hope that your partner loves you and wants you to be happy. Who better to share your deepest secrets?
Intimacy doesn’t come from hiding; it comes from revealing.
It comes from being vulnerable and exposed to your partner and giving them the chance to show you how much they love and trust you.
You know your partner better than anyone, so you will need to gauge the best way to approach the subject. There isn’t a correct answer here, just what works best for you and your partner.
Let’s look at some ways to share this with your partner.
#1 What Is Rope Bondage anyway?
Isn't it a way for two people to spend time together?
Rope bondage, sometimes called shibari, is not sex. It is more like a very sophisticated form of foreplay. It can be sexual, intimate, and it can get your motor going.
The ideas that some have fantasized about rope bondage have made it a mysterious and taboo thing, when it is simply a way to get closer, more intimate, with your partner.
My partner is fantastic, and we cherish the time we get to spend with each other.
Approaching your partner with the idea of creating deeper intimacy and connection is a great way to bring up shibari rope bondage!
#2 Ask Them For Their Ideas On How to increase intimacy in your relationship.
For some, the
simplest way will be to ask your partner about their desires first. You are
opening yourself up and listening. You can build trust and connect with your partner
about their deepest desires.
Maybe they were thinking about using rope but didn’t know how to share it with you?
Or you may find out they have other ideas that you have not thought of yet.
Your partner may need some help sharing their desires, which is all the more reason to increase intimacy in your relationship.
In any case, the key here is that you open your heart to hear their desires. Listen to what they say and look for ways to engage their wants, even if it means putting rope bondage on hold for a bit.
#3 Be Open
Yes, this works! Having a straightforward conversation with
your partner about your wants and needs without beating around the bush is a great
way to get what you want.
Being open and honest is the best way to be in any relationship, and if you are in a new relationship, it makes sure you find the relationship you want.
#4 Share the feeling
You may or may not have done rope bondage before. But you have an expectation . . .
. . . of a feeling you believe shibari will give you.
Maybe something like:
- being controlled
- controlling
- enchanted
- joy
- exhilarated
- cherished
- treasured
- loved
- accepted
- desired
- dominated
or any number of feelings that you want to feel with your partner through rope bondage.
Give them the chance to give you that feeling. Show them how you believe you both could share the experience through rope.
When they respond
Bringing this topic up is going to create some feelings, one way or another.
It is a good idea to be empathetic and listen to what they are saying.
You will get one of two possible answers, and what you do when you get
that answer can set the tone for future interactions.
If they say, "no."
Wonderful! They have expressed their feelings and shared them with you.
Respect that and show them that you have heard their answer.
This isn’t the time to be upset or angry. This is the time to press into the
relationship and I promise you we won’t use up all the rope bondage in the
world if you ever do get a yes!
if they say, "Yes!"
Congratulations! Your partner has agreed to explore this
world with you and meet your needs, and hopefully theirs too.
What to do next?
I suggest that you find a local rope group and start taking classes. Yes, you can learn from online videos, but in-person instruction and events is the best way to learn. But, if you can't get to in-person classes, check out our online course offerings.
If you are in San Diego, there are several options available for you. One that I can recommend is the local pansexual BDSM education organization, Club X San Diego. They have regular non-rope educational classes.
The main thing is to take action.
Get the right type of rope before you start too. Not every rope is good for shibari.
Now go!
Your partner has consented to join you in your desire.
Show them that it is truly
something you want!
